Running with Crohn’s: “I’m not that guy”

Running with Crohn’s: “I’m not that guy”

“and neither are you.”

I would like to discuss a sensitive subject today: expectations.

As both a runner and an Inflammatory Bowel Disease patient, I deal a lot with expectations.  Expectations that other people have of me, but even worse are the expectations that I have for myself.

Some people expect to do as well as the people around them, regardless of health and ability.  Other people allow their expectations of their disease or ability to defeat them before they even try.  Threading this fine line in expectations is difficult without dealing with health issues.  It is even more difficult when you face chronic and major health issues.

I can’t let them beat me!

About 10 months ago, I was one mile into a 5K race, running at a pretty good clip (an 8:30 min / mile pace).  Coming up behind me, I heard small feet going “pada, pada, pada, pada, Pada, Pada, Pada, Pada, PADA, PADA, PADA, PADA” and a small kid goes shooting in front of me.  The kid approached the group of adults about 20 feet in front of me and slowed to their pace.  This is the conversation that I heard:

Adult: “Hey, I thought you were in front of us.”

Kid: “Nah, an adult knocked me down at the start.  It has taken this long for me to catch up.”

Adult: “You want to run with us?”

Kid: “No, I want to catch my dad.”

After which the kid picked up his pace (probably about a 7 min/mile pace) and ran out of my view.  I ran that 5k race in 26 minutes.  The 9-year-old boy finished the race about 3-4 minutes faster than I did.  I barely beat his 8-year-old sister.

We all do it.  We judge our achievements based upon how well people around us do.  If you see a person running by us, we pick up our running pace if we think they should not be faster than us.  If you read about a Crohn’s patient who runs marathons, you might think less of yourself for not doing more activities.  If you read about how well or easily another person complete a training program, we castigate ourselves for not being able to do the same.

During races that I have run, I was passed by, what I thought were, some highly unlikely runners:

• A double amputee
• A very pregnant woman pushing a stroller
• A soldier wearing an 80 lb field pack in a 1/2 marathon
• A guy crumpled up at the side of the road with massive leg cramps, which I helped up and helped carry for a ½ mile so he could work out his leg cramps
• That 9-year-old boy
• At one point, his 8-year-old sister passed me too but I did end up beating her!

Similar to running, I constantly judge myself based upon what healthy people around me can do.  The reality is I have a chronic incurable and debilitating disease; I might not be able to do the same things that people around me can do.  On the other hand, if I want to do those things, I *might* be able to do them after all.

The point is that you are not other people.  You cannot judge your achievements based upon what other people can do.  If you have Inflammatory Bowel Disease and you want to run, start running.  Learn about you, your disease, and how it affects you when running.  You must compete against the run or against yourself.  You must not use the disease as a reason for not trying but just another obstacle to achieving what you want to achieve.  It is something to try to overcome.

During most of my life with Crohn’s Disease, I have suffered only mild to moderate symptoms.  Things I have dealt with over the last 23 years from it include:

• Severe anemia (requiring blood transfusions)
• Chronic anemia
• Severe arterial bleeding (requiring removal of 14 inches of small bowel and a resection)
• Kidney stones x2 (one requiring surgery)
• Fistulas x3 (six surgeries so far for these)
• Regular severe abdominal cramping (x1000 or more episodes)
• Partial bowel obstruction (several dozen of these, only hospitalized about six times for it)
• Chronic diarrhea
• Chronic psoriasis of the scalp
• Moderate rectal bleeding and scarring
• Several small bowel strictures

I have taken medications every day for 23 years for this, sometimes 50 or more pills a day.  Right now, I take perhaps 10-15 pills per day and most of these are over the counter medications, vitamins, and supplements.

You are not me, I am not you, neither of us is Ryan Hall (marathon runner on the 2012 US Olympic team).  Most people would never be silly enough to judge their running performance against an Olympic athlete’s performance, so why do we insist on judging ourselves against other runners?  We have NO idea what another runner’s talents or challenges are, why do we feel bad if we cannot beat them?

Why do people with debilitating diseases judge themselves against other people with debilitating diseases?  My disease is not yours, your disease is not mine, and neither of us is healthy.

We were beaten before we even tried

The other side of expectations is the expectation that we cannot do something simply because of our ability or disease.  We have all seen or experienced defeatism, the expectation that we cannot do something.  “I won’t be able to do it, so why should I even bother?”

If you have never tried doing something, such as run, you do not know whether you can do that thing or not.  You might have IBD and suffer from chronic cramping and diarrhea; however, you might be able to run anyway.  Other people have been able to train their bodies and adapt a running routine that accommodates the special needs imposed by their disease.  You might be able to do this too but you will not know unless you try it.

Even if you strove for one of these goals earlier but failed to achieve does not mean that you could not achieve it now.  I am not the same person I was years ago.  I do some things better, I do other things not as well.  Similarly, your disease changes over time too.  You might now be able to achieve goals you could not achieve earlier.

Even if your goal was to run a marathon but you succeed at running a 10K, you still succeeded.  Do not put on the “all or nothing blinders” which prevent you from seeing all that you succeeded in doing simply because you failed to achieve some other goal that you set.

What's the point?

The point of this entry is simply this:

Ultimately, the only competition that really matters is the one with yourself.  In our lives, it is important to set, strive for, and achieve goals.  The only person who can do this is *you*.  Just do it.

“Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…

the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”

-       -- Wear Sunscreen, Baz Luhrman